Amie Jay

When we meet again, and are introduced as friends, please don't let on that you knew me when...

2008-04-22T20:56:14Z

I have attempted to update like approximately 40 times. Basically, very little has changed that's worth updating about. Not in a bad way, its just in a status quo.

IN
good weather
plaid
skirts
cupcakes
when kevin calls me cupcake
the friends heathers
the film heathers
my wonderful, wonderful, boyfriend
strawberries
Popsicles
visits from people I care about
all the books I shall read this summer :)
scrabble
ambivalence

OUT
smoking
social climbers
disrespect
the future
the cold and colds
busy days
losing wallets
semicolons
the dementors
short shorts
my hair
the democratic party tearing itself apart
way too many things
ambivalence

That's all there is. There isn't anymore.

xo

Everybody feels this way sometimes, everybody feels this way and I do...

2008-01-16T20:47:36Z

I'm back at school, and in the process of beginning a new semester. As for last semester, my only feelings are at least that it is over. I need to make some positive changes in my life for this semester, focusing a lot on spending more time with friends, and having more fun.

There's so much to talk about with the election coming up, and it being the first time I get to vote in a Presidential election. Which honestly, is very cool. So I'm trying to stay as well informed as possible to make the most educated choice for me. It gets harder though, because with every candidate mostly going on such strict party lines, the differences become harder to...differentiate? The devil's in the details. I personally can think of a lot more places the devil may be, but that's one of them apparently.

What partly inspired this entry was some controversy implicating the U of R. So, Arun Ghandi made a post on the Washington Post site that said,

"Why is it that those who have become the victims of hate cannot understand that hate cannot be conquered by more hate, nor violence by more violence? If the rest of the world can accept criticism stoically why is it that the Jews consider themselves to be privileged and beyond scrutiny?" he wrote, noting that he wept during a visit to Auschwitz.

On Friday, UR President Joel Seligman said he was "deeply disappointed" by Gandhi's remarks and considered the apology Gandhi later posted on the Web site inadequate.
(We're citing the Democrat and Chronicle on this).

This is very interesting, because Arun Ghandi is standing by his remarks, and our school president (who has in the past, been on the in list for his relative hipness) is "disappointed".

My feelings, was the first part of his quotation, is completely legitimate. Hate can not be conquered by hate. That's a very true statement that I 100% agree with.

I suppose the misstep occurred when he singled out Jewish people, since that is not the only isolated case of victims of violence committing violence, nor would I say they are the biggest propagators of violence in today's society.

However, I feel, per usual, the real point is lost in the scandal. I think the point that any population who has been the victim of hate can not also allow violence to endure, which is what has been lost here. Thoughts?

OUT
1) Anyone who is going to jump to antisemitism in their comments. If comment, intellectual dialogue is better than insults.
2) Snow. If snow messes up my plans one more time, I'm moving.
3) Last semester
4) All my new classes being very hard. :(
5) If the democratic coverage does any more race vs. gender instead of actual issues.
6) my old governor.
7) Typical Student Activities office outs: slow on room reservations etc.

IN
1) My clean room. Middle school me loathes me saying this, but I think I'm legitimately happier now that I've cleaned my room at school.
2) My puzzle pieces that I made for my kids.
3) Seeing friends more--especially since Mike and Melinda moved up to Rochester
4) Baked goods
5) Being in love.
6) Our school observing Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
7) Christmas and Christmas presents--new rainboots, a new coat and lots of things to keep me warm.
8) Spending time with my family and friends at home.
9) A Happy New Year.

--
Goal by March is that I need an internship for the summer, because I think I decided not to go abroad.

xoxo

I spend too much time, seeking shelter.

2007-11-25T05:25:58Z

I would do 40% of anything to keep this break from ending. I don't think I like thanksgiving break because it's just a teaser of winter break...but things are just as horrible where they left off, and you are just stressed out from losing the days.
That said, I haven't updated in awhile, because there is very little that has changed, and I try not to have a emo-whiny-circa 10th grade entry all the time.

I have blond hair now. (I'm not wrong. Blond the color lacks a e, the e makes it a noun.)
I'm no longer going to get my doctorate in psychology. Or complete an honors project, because I'm basically a drifter. But a blond drifter at the very least.

That said, Thanksgiving was lovely, and I am so very glad to be home. For the next few hours anyway, then it is the traffic filled 400 miles back west to the nothingness.

OUT
1) This semester. Just end already.
2) Shopping on Friday. I mean, there was so much traffic from the parking lots, they had to close 495 near my house. That is crazy.
3) Losing my Sunday. Also, Sunday should be a Weekbegin, not a weekend. The week starts on Sunday, check a calendar.
4) I kind of feel that all the political candidates for President of both parties are kind of jokes. Or at least caricatures, because none of them seem very presidential to me. And I just want someone I can wear a button for, seriously. My lapel is lonely.
5) Not having a lot of free time to read. Reading is like, my soul. Or something.
6) Skeevy people talking to me. I'm not friendly. Accept my aloofness.
7) Being the youngest of my friends at home, who can now all go to bars--while I go to Chuckie Cheese or something.
8) Very early Christmas music. Too early.
9) I'm not going to even find the time to finish all my schoolwork/club work before finals. I am much too busy a drifter for my taste.
10) I just wish I was graduated already. I think its especially troubling, because I could. I can graduate in the spring. I'm a full academic year ahead. Which gives me a really troubling case of senioritis come early. Also, I know a lot of people struggling for credits, so I wish I could donate mine, since I'm going to graduate with something ridiculous like 168 credits. Who needs that many? Let me know if we have like a credit sharing program or something.

IN
1) Sweater weather.
2) Once my passport is done being processed, and I can go almost anywhere, I want to start planning some trips. I want to travel approximately everywhere. And that will be fun.
3) Wool socks.
4) Some movies right now. I just saw August Rush, which I liked, and I'm absolutely can not wait to see The Golden Compass.
5) Spending some time with my family this weekend.
6) The lyric in the Wilco song "Jesus, etc." It goes, "Our love is all of God's money." And I'm just loving that concept right now, because I find the phrase "More money than God" to be very amusing. And I guess a read on that is that if your love was all of God's money, your love would be more than anything. And I think know how that feels.
7) Seeing Third Eye Blind last week. Was fantastic. And recorded for the live album.
8) My partner child. I could talk about her forever.
9) Last week's quilt-a-thon, which went really well, and we made 12 blankets to be donated to a Women's Cancer Center. And that made me very happy.
10) Winterbreak, hopefully coming eventually.
11) My shower at home! Which I didn't have to wear flipflops in. You can not imaging how beautiful a concept that is.

Editor's note: Full disclosure: It's more honey than blond to be honest.

XOXO

What am I doing here, if you're not with me?

2007-11-06T04:42:49Z

We were talking the other day about how much emphasis is placed on "choosing the right college" and that is hailed as the most important decision of your life.

I think that was wrong. That the big decisions are usually all these little things that you don't really give a lot of thought to, and the consequences never stop coming.

It might be because in High School, a lot of people are standing over making sure you do all the right things. Although I do know that in college you are supposed to be more independent, I wish I had a danger sign before all the big life drop off points. (Igby style--Slippery when Schizophrenic.)

OUT
1) Not being able to say No. I do NOT have time, yet I keep wanting to get more involved, and take on more things (write emails, go to meetings, events etc.) that I honestly do not have time for.
2) Having to decide my future. Tonight. I'll let you know the career path I apparently have to decide upon in 8 hours.
3) Sleep. Sleep has officially been cut.
4) It's SO dark. I walked home from my class at 6:05, and it was complete darkness. Which is horrible, because I walk 2 miles from Hylan hospital 2 days a week from 5:30-6:30, which includes going through the cemetery. This gets a especially HORRIBLE out.
5) I really believe there should be an a in the word cemetery
6) Overprogramming. On everything but the radio. The radio can play all the songs it wants.
7) elections. Especially those involving my sorority, which is making in unbearable to live here.
8) The Sex and the CT column. I dare you to look at the archives for the last couple of weeks. And then DARE you NOT to be offended.
9) The world
10) The cold. I am legitimately not going to make it through the winter. I accept that now.

IN
1) Maybe more writing?
2) My friends. I have great friends.
3) I think i decided I really like cats. It was a long struggle, but there might even be a chance that in my life time if it ever comes a decision about adopting a pet, if its a cat, i mayyyyy even say yes.
4) Umbrellas. It's been raining. Umbrellas may be the in object of '07. ella, ella, eh, eh.
5) Guy Fawkes Day
6) Happy Birthdays to people like my dad, and Ashley. I love Birthdays.
7) Ithaca, NY. I had fun there, and it was good to see people. Such as my lovely boyfriend.
8) Apples. And apples to apples.
9) The film Across the Universe. I enjoyed it.
10) Scranton, the Electric City.
11) Joanna Scott. Have I obsessed about her yet?
12) Dropping out of school. Even only temporarily, mentally. Is the most liberating thing.

I can't wait for 2007 to be over.

Red Sox

2007-10-29T14:50:37Z

Yay! :)

My senior year of high school, my friend Liza told me how depressing it was in '04 because she was in New York, and after the pennant race, no one really cared, and she was lonely about celebrating the win.

Hopefully there's enough Boston people here that it will not be the case. Yay! :)

There is something I've been meaning to do, I've been dying to tell you, I've been so damn sad.

2007-10-12T15:10:02Z

I decided to write this before anything changed. Because otherwise that would make me irrelevant, and I should cling to any last bit of relevance I have.

Junior year of high school was my best year, and I had something like a 99 term average, and I went out with friends every day (groundhog day, kazoos, sleep-outs--that's for ashley if she sees this entry) and was in the middle of the happy period of my longterm highschool relationship. Of course, the courses I took were Ap History, Latin 3, Latin 4, and Creative Writing. (Yes, I did take Latin for 3 hours a day. It made it impossible for me to pronounce the letter "v". e.g. What are our wocabulary words, are most of them werbs?)

Sophomore year however, was the bad one. I was taking this like "geometry and trig" and the horribleness that that entails, the details of that summer, which is not for here, and a series of my very short term relationships and the drama that comes with that. I also played field hockey and ran an awful lot. My away messages of that time consisted solely of "Talford owns my soul" as did the away messages of everyone else in my class. It was a crazy amount of work. Ask anyone.

Anyway, the reason we started talking about my life in high school, is that I had high hopes for this year, as I'm a junior again. And that should make me happy. Unfortunately. I feel a lot like I'm still in high school only its still sophomore year. Because in parallel to the paragraph above. This is what I do. I play fieldhockey (check), I have an inane amount of homework that I can never get ahead of (check), I'm tired all the time (check) I'm confused about my future (check), I have drama with "sisters" (check--just of a different sort), and I talk on the phone to my boyfriend every night, who I sometimes get to see on weekends.

And I still can't drive. So basically, its 10th grade all over again, only without parents and with bad food...Also known as Hell.

In other news. My boyfriend is amazing. That's a fact.
OUT
1) 10th grade 2.0
2) negativity
3) Most of the news I hear today. Things to look up for yourself so you don't hear biased reporting from me, posters on GW, the situation with Turkey (and its effect on my travel plans), situation in myanmar. Stuff like that.
4) I have to work on a political campaign for class. And I don't want to work on the campaign of someone I don't actually support. It hurts my integrity. And that's a problem.
5) stomaches. And how that e makes it less an organ, and more a hurt. What a powerful e. It also makes a hat a hate.
6) My feet are battered and abused.
IN
1) This is for Natick Heather (I don't use last names on the internet. It's freaky). The Patriots and the Red Sox.
2) The service workers here got their contract, complete with healthcare, childcare and adult education. That is a good thing.
3) Joanna Scott. What an inspiring individual. I love her class, and I love how when I leave it, it's not just that I feel that I want to do something great, it's that I feel I can.
4) Last weekend. And s'mores. and love. That ladies and gentlemen, is a genuine smile.
5) Seeing my family next week. It does mean I have to clean my room though
6) Honor societies. Congratulation Heather and everyone, and it's good to be sometimes recognized. Even if its just an email, and you don't want to have to pay the money.
7) Spending fun time with both heathers. Although, i haven't asked anyone what's their damage in too long. Especially since I mostly hang out with Heathers.

We are back to our critical balance of ins to outs. And life has maybe gotten off of academic probation.

xo.

You may tire of me, as our December sun in setting. Because I'm not who I used to be.

2007-10-04T16:41:22Z

I need to move my bed. This is because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, again, for the umpteenth time in a row. The problem is, my bed is against a wall. So I need to move my metaphorical bed off its wall, so there might be another proverbial side to get up on.

It's going to be hard for me to write an in list longer than an out list.

OUT
1)smoking. Not that smoking was ever in. But today I walked behind a boy on the bridge who was smoking, and since the wind was blowing my way, the smoke kept blowing straight into my little lungs. By the time I got off the bridge, I had forgotten what fresh air tasted like.
2) The Campus Times: Basically, they asked for the columns to be more "timely" (which by the way since they are due a week beforehand, is pretty impossible) for a trial period of Women's Weekly (which they named) actually being "Weekly" and then lied to us about it. Our trial period, according to them, is apparently a column ever other week--what it always has been. Meaning that this weeks column, that says "today" in it, will not only not be timely, it will be 2 weeks irrelevant. It also didn't print Vox's letter to the editor.
3)Futility
4) Bad life choices. Never any big ones. Those are usually okay, but just in the what would make me happier game. I'm usually wrong. and thus, not as happy.
5) I find it hard to include this anywhere in the out list, because it really deserves its own post. Basically our unionized workers and the school's contract negotiations have stalled. The University, and the HOSPITAL (natch), big push is that they no longer want to offer health care to their underpaid--HOSPITAL workers. There's more to it, but honestly. People talk all they want about the dangers or urban lifestyle, welfare etc. But these are employed American citizens. Who can't get healthcare--when they work for a hospital. Also, one of our service workers was murdered this weekend, yet the school still thinks its acceptable to make their workers live in povery, dangerous climates, and without healthcare coverage.
6) Being a bad friend
7) People being horrible to each other. Memo, mostly to people who don't read this. You are NOT in mean girls. That behavior is not acceptable. Grow up.
8)My tests being much more harder than expected.
9) The out of control background checks, fingerprinting,tb tests we have to go through for my new "part time" job. And the condescending woman who told us about them
10) Having made a schedule that I could watch greys anatomy if I wanted. and Realizing that I had to move a meeting--exactly during it.
11) The apathetic nature of this campus. I should have gone to Oberlin.
12) Somebody called me a feminist. I'm not. I also don't believe in ists. Or labeling others. If I did, he'd be a fall off the face of the earth jerk-ist.
13) The panHellenic society. and it's stupid and ugly t-shirts. and its fakeness.
14)not knowing/doing anything with my life.
15) The outside world in general.
I'll stop there

IN
1) My classes next semester, all seem good. Also Sarah Higley is teaching one, and I've heard great things about her.
2)The FDIC going well. That, makes me happy. And the Rochester baby teams performed crazy well (2 about 50 pts a round, one about 70, individual scores), So I'm excited about good things from us. Expect them.
3) Not having to dress myself all week. I apparently like not having choices.
4) Watching Pride and Prejudice in the lounge last night
5) my International Literature class
6) Visiting Dan this weekend. Candor is the fall is supposed to be great. And seeing Dan is too amazing for words as always.
6+) Getting out of this place this weekend.
7) I'm reading Borges, which Sid recommended to me freshmen year, but that which I am finally doing and it's good.
8) My family

That's all I have in me guys. Sorry.

Jon, I hope you have the best birthday ever. And that you also can enjoy being a Young American.

buzzers

2007-09-18T15:18:19Z

So, I'm in ITS filling out our preliminary equipment supplemental form to get new buzzers. I've done some research/have some ideas, but if anyone wants to share a really good company/ make sure it has this feature, that would be appreciated. :)

September never stays this cold where I come from and you know, I'm not one for complaining...

2007-09-17T04:48:38Z

Junior year is okay. I'm definitely going to be overwhelmed/stressed out--yet still feel that its not enough. Because I'm having a lot of trouble validating my existence, feel worthwhile, complete the emptiness etc.
I'm having...not necessarily an existential crisis, but more of an existing crisis. The knowledge that I need to figure out exactly what I'm doing is starting to press down on me--and if anyone says I have time to figure it out--they are on the out list. I don't believe in wasting time. My interests are changing, so that makes things interesting.
My room is very small, but I have a very large living room, so everyone is invited to visit.

OUT
-homesickness
-loneliness
-facilities needing three requests to put my bed up.
-(hypocritical, but the attitude of certain boys who happen to be in fraternities)
-No parties in Rochester. First weekend back, The Deans were patrolling the frat quad.
-The closed-door policy of the SA office. You need an appointment to get a form signed.
-my insecurity about running large/small organizations
-my fears about everything
-It's FREEZING here already
-exaggerating, but it's 45.
-blisters

IN
-appalachian. Even when its cold out, it's HOT HOT HOT.
-bangs. I grew mine out. But those short across ones, are a -happening.
-my neighbors here. are fantastic.
-kebler mini rainbow chip cookies. (also 100 calories)
-girl day with heather :) and yummy brownies
-I went to my first Cinema Group feature--I saw Waitress, and it was really good. yay for them. and yay for Jon.
-Winning at music trivia with Heather and George (with the pixies too).
-The first good news in the Jena 6 situation this weekend. Also having it being more publicized in mainstream publications.
- Salon.com's "Broadsheet" column. It's informative, but also hilarious, and relatively unbiased.
- My amazing boyfriend.
- Heather (how. heather's) loft. It's really awesome set up she has going there.
-a few more girls than normal at the very first quizbowl meetings.

I probably miss you. And I need advice from you wiser people on several things. So yeah, we should catch up.
XOXO

And as the summer's ending, the cool air will rush your hard heart away...

2007-08-23T19:27:54Z

This is probably the last entry of the "summer", as I return to the U. of R. next Friday. August has been a very full month with lots of travel, great people, and other stuff that if I talk to you, we can talk about.

This summer is best described as a failed sequel. Same sort of storyline, old jokes put in as crowd pleasers, new minor characters, and the general feeling that the producers should have just left well enough alone. With some of the new opportunities I'm looking into for next summer, hopefully we will be able to present a better storyboard to the investors. (It is most likely a bad idea to live your life as if it's a studio production).

At the risk of sounding echo-y, I recommend the movie Stardust. I'm not even that into fantasy, and I was completely captivated by it. It's the perfect combination of action, comedy, and a love story. So I liked it. I feel it's one of those movies, that due to its genre, it will be hard to get people into the theatres, but if they do see it, they'll love it.

I'm very surprised I'll be a junior soon. Should be an interesting/busy/different year. More on that when it happens.

I can never decide if the in/out list is what is actually cool/not cool to the public or to me. But then again, I'm kind of a cool barometer (coolness is of course, akin to humidity--not temperature) so I guess there really is no difference.

OUT
1)The letter U. School has apparently dropped the "U"niversity part of our name. Now, instead of all the UR (you are) puns, we have moved to R (our). Apparently, we have become more of a collective, but I prefered when they reached out solely to me. It's a sad day for u's everywhere.
2)The letter W. by Association.
3) Why don't I ever take any pictures!!!
4) Facebook apparently cutting the wall to wall function to only one page. I want my precious conversations back my-space-at-heart-app-crazy-mean-old-stalker-book formerly known as thefacebook.
5) Teenagers. Apparently ageism is in now too.
6) Amtrak. I had a disastrous trip yesterday that took 4 hours longer than it was supposed to was bumpy, that ran out of everything I like to eat at the dinner car, that was delayed by construction and homeland security. There must be better ways to travel.
7) Cattiness in children starting at age 5 is the earliest I've seen.
8) Speaking of cattiness. Why is this presidential election one of the worst I've lived through with mudslinging and negative campaigns. This completely transcends party lines/ability to actually get elected. Dear Candidates (regardless of party). I am not interested in why the other guy is bad. I will most likely be able to discover that for myself. However, I am very interested in why you're good. And if your only reason why you're good is that you're better than the other person--you've lost my interest.
9) Nordstroms. In the Northshore mall yesterday, the Nordstroms construction collapsed the roof of the Gap. Now. That happens to be one of my favorite, affordable clothing chain. Which was hurt by the high end snobby department store. As I said, I can only take this as an attack against the proletariat.
(Or as a construction accident).

IN
1) Monkey on the Lam!
2) The new rilo kiley album
3) fantasy movies. Just by watching previews lately, there's getting to be alot. So many I can't remember. They are releasing the Spiderwick Chronicles, the one I can't remember by whose 7th son of the 7th son thing, and of course, the Golden Compass movie.
4)The Golden Compass movie. Gets its own entry by being so highly anticipated. I recommend reading the books first so you can appreciate how awesome they are.
5)Mini-golf. Andddd because when Dan and I were in North Conway, I got four holes in one. Which is approximately a 50% increase in lifetime holes in one.
6) The 1920s making a comeback. I'm going to call it Gatsby chic. Of course, they would come back now that I'm growing my hair OUT/no longer weigh 75 lbs (all good qualities for the flapper look). But I'm just going to think I'm ahead of the game.
7) Autumn or Fall?
8) And by eight, I mean one. Because this should have been first. The SNACK OF THE FUTURE. By now, I'm sure you've seen those little 100 calorie packs about. Now. Let's take the oreos. The oreo 100 calorie pack is little wafers, with little white dots on them...and guess what. They TASTE the same. And my latest unofficial study counted 18 in my package. Now..the reading on a regular non double stuffed oreo...2 of them is 100 calories! So you can have 2 or 18 for the same amount. And the started making them for all different things, even 100 calories cheetos. So. If this keeps up, by the time we have kids, they will never have a real oreo. Just the little healthier wafer things.
9) Because the Future Is Now.
10) Amnesty International. Lots of good press for them lately.

Now before I go. My favorite quote of the weekend, said on the bus somewhere inbetween Albany and Utica...
"Oh yeah? My girlfriend stole my car. That's why I'm on the damn bus!"

The future is no place, to place your better days.

2007-07-30T01:55:11Z

Introspective Navel-Gazing Begins Here** See Below if not interested in that.
In the final narration of American Beauty, one of the things Lester says is "It's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world."

I've agreed with that quotation for a long time, but lately it feels that I've been mentally editing it to say the much more negative opposite of, "it's hard to be stay happy when there's so much horribleness in the world."

That's not to say that I haven't been happy. It almost feels that I'm happier than I've been in a long time, I'm "at peace" with my past, I like my job, I'm excited (and not stressed out, partly because I have nothing to do) about school. I am happier in my current romantic relationship than I've ever been in anything and am so in love, my friends all appear to be happy and healthy and I am grateful for that and I am looking forward to the future.

Yet, the more I learn, the more I feel guilty about my happiness. Like, how dare I glorify in enjoying a good book on a summer day, when I have the means to help someone living in terrible conditions elsewhere. When I was talking about Tibet with my father today, he said to me, "there are so many causes." Which is true, but I'm not sure if I should narrow my focus and just pick one, or do a little for lots of different causes. This is partly why it's beginning to feel like my heart is breaking at every turn, as it finds something else to care about. (Oh thy bleeding heart liberal. What does that even mean? Hearts don't bleed, even if they are metaphorical).

Also while I feel I've never really had a problem with Middle-class/Catholic/Jewish guilt syndrome, despite that fact that I am in some shape all of those things. Right now I feel that I'm suffering from American Guilt Syndrome. I am embarrassed by my good luck of being born in this country. Embarrassed that my personal ecological footprint is akin to that of the nation of Ghana, embarrassed that I can spend what a family could live off of for a month on a fashion magazine, ashamed that I can complain about "ageism" and not rampant atrocities done to me and my family.

At the same time, I believe people should help in whatever way they can. And personally, I'm not going to be a doctor, or biological researcher. So it is unlikely that I will cure AIDS for instance (For this, I am truly sorry). However, while I feel like I'm taking the right steps to eventually make the world better, there is one thing I can do now. Because I was born in a nation of immense wealth and I'm globally (emphasis on globally) well-off, I feel I should use that wealth to do something good, help those with less. Which is why I was/am so passionate about the BuzzCuts campaign, that supplies mosquito netting that can protect a family a four in Africa for up to five years for ten american dollars. That's fantastic. So of course people can do whatever they want, but I think one should find a campaign such as that, because well, as the one take home message of the Bible that I feel people should come way with says, "There but for the grace of God go you". And you can take away God and replace it with luck or whatever, but that's a good lesson I feel.
** End of Introspective Navel-Gazing. (It's the book about the Transcendentalist movement I just finished that did this. I came to the woods and all.)

In other news, session II at camp has begun, so tomorrow I'm going to switch to being a counselor to the five year olds instead of the seven year olds. So that should be interesting.

In honor of last session. Top three quotes said in my seven year old group.
3) Camper Margot: Wanna know why I'm the luckiest?
Me: Yes?
Camper: Because I don't have to keep kosher, so I can have lobster.
2) Co-counselor Alissa: I was just trying to be helpful, and now I have no head.
Top quotation number 1. Back story. Several of my campers are russian immigrants.
Several Campers: There are no cats in America, and the streets are paved with cheese---
Discussion about Feivel. Me: Oh, Feivel is from Russian.
Campers: Oh, Feivel's is from Russia!
Camper Katherine: What?
Me: Feivel's russian.
Camper: No, we don't believe in God.
(We later found out she thought we said Bible. However, I handled that the best way I know how, I told them to line up.)

OUT
1) Materialism
2) Me giving in to my materialistic urges and wanting to buy all kinds of objects.
3) Having an allergic reaction to sunscreen, agitated by the sun, when you work outside. (True story).
4)anger at the world
5) Falling asleep on the phone every night (another true story)
6) I may have put this already, but my favorite ice cream place, no longer carries one of the only 3 ice creams flavors I like. Thus, the need for a new favorite ice cream place emerges.
7) Trouble on the highways. Such as manhole coverings coming up, planes landing, etc.
8) Trapeze or Canopy shirts or dresses. I'm not sure this style is flattering on anyone. I kind of feel that one shouldn't have to spend more money when the designer decided not to add the common courtesy of a waistline.
9) The croc-takeover. I will never wear them. The same way I have never worn leggings since the age of 10, and will not pop my collar. These are solemn vows.
10) (I'm sorry Dan). The IOC apparently agreeing with China that it has rights over the "independent autonomous region of Tibet". While I understand that the Olympics are not about politics, and are beautiful in the aspect of a global game...in the nature of the out-list, thus "things that are decidedly uncool" this has to have a place.

IN
1) Madras print. So, I'm from the North Shore. Thus don't have any particular affinity to Cape Cod or the Islands. (I also don't live there, silly other-staters). So despite its connection to Nantucket culture, I like it. I think its a cute summer pattern. That's my decision.
2) Harry Potter. I'm not going to discuss anything, but I mean. what is more "IN" right now?
3) The brit band Travis. I also think people should listen to Ingrid Michaelson. Those are my recommendations.
4) Wicked is coming to Rochester!!!!!!
caveat: Wicked is coming to Rochester May 28-June 15. So while, I would definitely would come back for that, there is a chance (if all goes well) that I should be studying abroad next summer, and thus, wouldn't be able to. However, Wicked is apparently hitting Ohio in January. Would any one be interested in wicked cool roadtrip?
5) Oh those puns!
6) My wonderful upcoming weekend trip. I am very excited about it.
7) Seashells.
8) Learning other languages.
9) The new television shows Do You Know the Lyrics and America's Song Bee or whatever. If you know me at all, you know I have to get on those shows. If you know how, you should contact me.
10) Honeybees are the only insect to achieve the status of charismatic mega fauna. For that, I salute them.
11) Rockport, MA. It's one of the top five places in the states I'd be interested in living when I grow up if I don't defect. Because it's marvelous.

Calle: You are extraordinary. To everyone, here's hoping 2007 manages to come out of its slump and be the best year yet. Because we deserve it.

This is only a test. This is not a real journal entry.

2007-07-07T02:53:40Z

This just needs to be shared or I'll explode in a million pieces.

Scene: Camp. Kickball.

Camper Meredith (at bat): Douglas, I'm going to bring you home.
Camper Douglas (at third): No you're not, you're a lady. And ladies don't take people home.

Again, speaks for itself.

The best is yet to come.

American girls are weather and noise...

2007-07-02T23:02:32Z

Best Camp story of the year thus far.
Scene: Counselor Katie is up on the hill for lunch. She brought her lunch that day in plastic shopping bag.
Katie sits down to enjoy her lunch.
Camper: Why don't you have a lunch box?
Katie: Well, I just brought the bag today.
Camper: But a lunch box is so much better.
Katie: Yeah, well it's okay, I like my bag.
Camper: Oh my god. (whisper) Can you not afford a lunch box?!?

So. My job is ..see above...On another rare occasion of spontaneity I roadtripped to Rochester with Heather this weekend, and had a completely marvelous time. Really, just everything about it for me, was fantastic. I had a lovely time.

I have developed this new penchant for not going out for the night until after dinner. Which is moderately awkward, but I blame college. I can not even bear to spend money on food when there is good food here for me.

I'm trying to decide whether it makes sense to have two majors and a minor, or actual three majors, even though the third major is just a notation and not really real. Just an idea I'm having, because I did up my schedule and it looks like I'll graduate with 2 majors and 8/10 of another major. So I'm not sure if I should just pursue that path or if it doesn't really matter.

Nothing else I have to say can actually explain my life better than the above quotation. Although I would like to include the honorable mention:

My camper: I forgot my goggles!
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. Do you think you can swim without them?
My camper: No, I can't hold my breath if I'm not wearing goggles.

OUT
1traffic. Although I'm not sure if I would like it more if it was traffique.
2RIAA.
3violence. of any kind.
4the fact that my camp t shirt is orange. I'm sorry bright color lovers ( :() It's really not flattering on me. I can donate it to you if you want.
5 running into people I don't want to see around this town that no one ever leaves from. I have a theory that if you really don't want to run into old people from high school, just look really pretty and happy all the time. You only run into them at bad times, so it will keep them at bay forever.
6) Being forced to go swimming, especially when you're the only counselor that has to. And its 9 a.m. And its cold. And the pool's heater isn't working. It's a long story.
7)Overly faked tan skin. I freckle in the sun. It's sun damage. But it's kind of cute. However, being orange and leathery...is not.
8) Mosquitoes! I'm dreading the fireworks because of them. Last year was like the civil war. I kid you not. Ashley and I were lying on the ground, looking up, with every few moments "Oh! They got me! I've been hit. Go on without me". Luckily, no West Nile yet. (An actual threat in these parts).
9) Falling down the stairs.

IN
1) Last weekend. I really liked everything. And my fellow. If I can't have the world's best fellowship for the summer, I suppose having a wonderful fellow whom I love is the world's apology. I accept.
2) Four square. For always.
3) Cake and popsicles, and Heather's (Dan's Heather) domesticity.
4) Heather (my Heather) being a great roadtrip buddy, and packing me great lunches. And brownies.
5) Mix CDs!! I always want to pull a City of Angels, "When they asked me what I liked the most, I'll tell them it was you...and mix cds".
6) Tolerance.
7) Playing Pirates of Weston Pond with my campers at boating. It was the most fun boating...ever. As seen here, "Safety first, Treasure Later!"
8) Tennis
9) Fireworks. In theory...We will see what happens next week...
10) The term yippie.
11) Spending more time with my sister for like. a Month.
12) We're making a library in my house. Which is cool. And is my personality in a room. so happiness.

I'm still on the lookout for the feel good hit of the summer.
Cheer up Calle.
XO

We live for just these twenty years, do we have to die for the fifty more?

2007-06-23T03:06:36Z

I am officially in my twenties. Even though I'm still left out of the elusive twenty-something category, I can at least talk about being in my twenties. Like a cool club or something. I think my membership card is in the mail.

I've been on a more serious movie kick as of late. I just finished watching Freedom Writers with my parents. Which I would have thought was impractical if it wasn't a true story. So that was good. It also made me have a hefty moment of middle class guilt because I will never have a life like that. And I was only four years old during the Rodney King riots, and the first time I even learned about them was through Sublime. Which although awesome, is a very interesting educational source (in more than one way).

I was talking with a friend today about our (I don't know what to call it, "wanna be counter culture") spirit, and where that came from. With our goody two shoes, very traditional upbringing. My answer (post-convo) was that it was the music. That one can't listen to Simon and Garfunkel and The Beatles and Bob Dylan..and the Doors etc. without feeling some what inspired to change things, to damn the man, to do copious drugs (two out of three...)
So, that's who's getting the blame. So yes, Tipper. Fear the music. If you don't want the precious children to become self actualized people.

Which brings me to my mixed feeling on a particular subject. Now. In case you don't know this already. I for the most part, hate covers. I like standards, and think lots of people should sing those. But if an artist writes their song, and then performs it (no matter if they say they liked the cover more etc.) that is most likely the intended way for the song to be. And a good artist knows when a work is complete and does not try to "add their own spin aka ruinnnn it". That's my controversial view point.

I especially hate Beatles covers. It's a fact. Which, leads to me being very torn. The album "Instant Karma" is out, and its for a great cause. Its to raise money for Save Dafur, which I fully and whole heartedly support. However, it's way of doing that is by having an album complete of John Lennon covers. I mean...it breaks my snobby purist heart. So I can't decide if I should buy it for a good cause, and just not listen to it, or not because I don't support the path. Its an end or means crisis to me.

I think I'm just being melancholy because its back to amp-cay for the summer for me. Starting tomorrow.

Why does the OUT list always go first?
1)the U of R human resources page. Horrible. Not user-friendly. If it was the admissions page, I wouldn't even be able to apply to the school, waived application fee or not. If there was a LAME list, it would start that list also.
2) While we're on the topic, application fees. It's very mean. Pay us to even consider looking at you. It's like if I charged everyone who ever wanted to ask me out, or invite me somewhere. Which I think is commonly known as "prostitution"
3) The Independent Women's Forum. Especially one of their idiot writers. And I was all set to give them a good chance, since they looked good at the get-go and then realized that they are crazy. Seriously, one writers solution to stopping domestic violence was to give women guns. Because if anything stops violence, its guns.
4) My ever growing reclusiveness. Sorry guys. Maybe next week I'll actually make good on my plans and..go out. I've just been so tired.
5) Vetoes. What on earth is the point of defending the precious democracy if one person gets to decide everything anyway.
6) Division. The math. and the concept. I honestly believe that within my lifetime, something beautiful will happen. And things will be different. But this can never happen if we all are taught and believe that we have to draw a line on the sand, and can't work together...and rest of my idyllic vision.
7) Amp-cay.
8) The fact that learning has to be marketable. My new answer to whatever am I going to do with that, is that I'm going to be a more educated person. And who wouldn't want that in an employee.
9) Traffic.
10) Club hassles

IN
1) My wonderful birthday weekend. I couldn't have imagined being happier.
2) All the good news this week about people's future plans. I am so happy for everyone.
3) This crazy independent little book shop in Salem. There were books stacked floor to ceiling with barely any space to walk. It was beautiful
4) Editorializing
5) Popsicles
6) College Towns. I seriously need to live in one as an adult. Because they are lovely. And there's always something to do. And independent restaurants and shops, and football games, and history. I like them.
7) Blockbuster online thing. My parents have it. And I'm a fan.
8) The Beach! And go swimming in the ocean!!!
9) The place where I did my internship. It was such a great experience. I also feel a newer sense of now I have to do grassroots, but it was such a welcoming place, with every one willing to impart to me their expertise, and thus I know about so much more now. So good job of my sister for setting that up.
10)The Dalai Lama. I just read Freedom in Exile, and he's an very inspirational figure.
11) New books, and having way more time than at school to read them.

Calle and Jon should visitttt. I am the luckiest girl in the world when it comes to boyfriends. I checked with the academy. They agree.
Summer started, and...the living's easy...?
xoxo

Let's get together before we get much older...Teenage wasteland, it's only teenage wasteland...

2007-06-10T19:39:03Z

Nothing to say, but what a day, How's your boy been?

It's 40 years since Sgt. Pepper. So that's a good way for me to start an entry. It's also kind of what's going on.
Still at internship, and now I know everything about baby turtles (hatchlings). Amp-cay starts soon, which will be what it is. (You should have realized my fondness for pig latin by now. Ix-nay made websters).
In honor of "growing up" I'm changing my screenname. If you already have my screename, you can find info about that there. (Thwarted again, creepy stalkers).

Speaking of that, if anyone knows any tricks about moving my buddy list an easy way. They should share that. Because its looking like slow going here.

I was talking about my impeding "growing up" thing with my best friend (who also went and MOVED away). Just about how old twenty sounds when you're like. 12. And how I'm still 16 in my head. Supposedly everyone has an age that they still think of themselves as, no matter how old they are. Hopefully my mental age grows up.
Despite the fact that I'm trying to get older, yesterday incurred another entry on people commenting on my youthfulness. At my cousins graduation party,
after someone asked me about school, another woman remarked, "Wow, you look like you're still in high school. You must have just finished your first year". Sigh. and all I've ever wanted to do was grow up. People aren't helping.

I went to Rochester last weekend and saw my boyfriend, and some good friends and had such a wonderful time. Everything was nearly perfect. It however, crushed my spirits about not winning the fellowship. Because it would have had everything. But, we move on. Besides no one ever said that throwing your life away (spending it in sin and misery at the house of the rising sun) wasn't also an equally (Q!) valuable path.

OUT
1)I'm not going to say her name, but its a combination of a city and a hotel. That person needs not to take up so much press. That's all.
2)The fact that I can't design a homepage that has everything I like. I've been spending some time with an igoggle. And that was cool because I could add wikipedia. And apparently, the website netvibes let's me do that, but its wicked (hella for you so cal-ians) slow.
3)penguins. I'm sorry. They are tired. No more penguin movies. My cousin was saying how there was mean penguins in madagascar, and then after that, it was like. the penguin lobby went on overdrive, and needed to make lots of happy cute penguin animated features. Besides, as a spokes(animal) for the global climate change, the polar bear Knut is wayyyy cuter.
4) I'm missing everyone. Also a tired situation.
5) The U.R. women's studies page. It's not as good as like. anyone elses. That makes me sad.
6) Crazy weather patterns. It was 50 yesterday. All I know is that it better be nice for this weekend, I have some serious beach plans.
7) The big bag movement. I need that style to die.
8) How the hell did amnesty become a bad word? No comment on the bill or political situation. But just the word. I mean, seriously? \
9)Sunburns. Even with suncreen!

IN
1) the helpful nature of Women's Caucus and the Amnesty International exec board in working on our malaria in Africa campaign. In the summer. Good kids.
2) hatchlings. :)
3) Czech Republic has the 2nd largest ex-pat community in Europe. Good for me to know
4) Longer shorts!!! Yay!
5) Knocked Up. So freaking fantastic. Go seee. now. Totally worth the trip to Rochester. Or your local movie theatre if you didn't leave your heart 400 miles away.
6) Jon got contacts.
7) My friend Greg working at Blockbuster. I like movies. So when I go rent them, its always a special treat when Greg makes me and my accomplices feel like we're in the (40s/50s/70s, other bygone decade). For example, while commenting on my sunburn, "We can't have that. You've got to give the boys something to fight for". Which makes me happy. In some warped sense.
8) headbands being one of the only flattering hairstyle for my hair. ever.
9) Eddie Izzard. I watched dressed to kill with several of my cousins the other night, and I found it very amusing.
10) I'm compiling a list of best songs for women's caucus events for ironic purposes only. Thus far, it's No One Else (Weezer), Girls (Beastie Boys), and of course, Bowie's suffragette city.
11) Hey 19, Teenage Dirtbag, and Baba O'Riley. While I still can.

--Calle. Good job being AWOL. Especially since this is all for you.

XO

She sat right down on the corner, said "Where have you been, I've been waiting for you..."

2007-05-25T22:14:17Z

Some like it hot. Typically, I am one of the some. It is unbearably hot today, but despite how uncomfortable it is making me/everyone, I kind of like it. Blame rochester for filling my veins with ice. Although it would not be the first time its been suggested that I'm cold blooded.

I've been back in the Tbury for almost 2 weeks now, and all and all I have had fun. I started my internship about the environment and so far, I wake up really early, do a lot of office work, and have developed a new affection for endangered species. For although I'm not a huge fan of several members of the animal kingdom, extinction makes me sad. Just sad.

Like I said I turn twenty soon. Which led to an interesting discussion on what that makes me. Basically there was a philosophical debate on whether or not that makes one a teenager or a twentysomething--based on the (no year 0,1970 is the end of the sixties, 1980 end of seventies etc). But apparently, one must have a "teen" to be a teenager, but something after the twenty to be a twenty something. Which leaves me somewhere else. I grow old, I grow old, I shall wear the bottom of my trousers rolled.

It was junior skip day for the high school today, which made me sad because I never skipped. So in honor of my descent in haggitude, if we could compile a list of teenage experiences one should have before one has to be responsible they should share. So I can get on that. Right now my list is mostly just, I should listen to baba o riley and hey 19 a lot. But there's got to be something more.

I'm not saying anything about pirates in case you haven't and want to see it. But if you want to talk to me about it, I'm for it.

Earthfest tomorrow. Yay.

OUT
long drawn out television finales, especially those that move house off a week.
series finales in general being kind of lackluster
The sheer amount of television relatedness in this entry. I can feel my brows lowering.
it getting too hot before my pool is open
everyone being so far away
ruckus, the music service the school replaced napster with. It is much slower, has less music available, and needs to have a separate player and music search browser open. Lame.
being too too tired
arguments
most female pop artists as of right now...several of whom all sound so similar that I can't tell them apart. If music was the food pyramid, they are trans fat. Artificial, pre packaged, and very very bad for you.
one of my favorite people being too far away. What could ever be good about that?

IN
the letter q
picnics on the beach
tennis once we can get started
good food at home
new shoes and flipflops
suncreen!! I got a spray one kind this time, and its cool. It's also a 50. But. My mirror tells me I'm the fairest one of all. And mirrors can't lie.
oh! freeze pops. They are fantastic.
my friends at home :)
reading for pleasure. yayyyyy. Right now we are on "Reading Lolita in Tehran" which was a gift from the calle. Thanks the calle.
my internship. and maybe someday I can go outside
summer skirt weather. I mean. everyone can apperciate those. Not only those of us with a flawless sense of style.
learning about countries all over the world.
Haha. Planning for next year like the huge dork I am.

. For my birthday. I want a girl who will laugh for no one else.
That's not really my birthday list. Although it would be a neat thing to have. It would make me feel considerably funnier.
I miss everyone who is not here. I especially miss you if you happen to named Dan. Because if that is the case, there is a chance you might be the coolest person ever.

Good job at like graduating and all class of 2007. Congratulations on actullay existing.

xox

It's easier to leave than to be left behind, leaving was never my proud, Leaving New York never easy

2007-05-12T15:44:05Z

Today, I am returning to Massachusetts for the summer. As of today, I am halfway done with college. As of right now, I am very into present tense, declarative statements.

In honor of the end of my sophomore year, I am releasing the super sweet in and out list...the duh duh..best/worst of sophomore year....

worst song of sophomore year:
Carrie Underwood- Before He Cheats.
It is not female empowerment. It is psychopathic.

best song of sophomore year: This is a lot harder. Especially since I don't know what's on the radio. I think its going to go to,
Teagan and Sara: Where does the good go? Because I did listen to it constantly in december. Honorableeee mentions: The Format: Dog Problems, Snow Patrol & Martha Wrainwright: Set Fire to the Third Bar, Mat Kearney: All I Need, The Killers: When you were Young, Regina Spektor: On the Radio.

I can't do books. Because I don't get to read for fun at school.
Or really movies. Because unless it came out during breaks, I doubt I saw it. Unless it was at movies 10. Because thats sweet.

Best In Class Moment:
Fall '06 Women Studies 267. Mike Ianotti is the only boy. The Back story is our professor soon spends the next two months thinking that Mike Ianotti and I were dating. Because directly before class, he had told me about his lottery ticket win. The we enter class. And professor is like "How was everyone's weekend" and Mike goes, "Oh I had an amazing weekend" and then proceeds to wink at me. This becomes relevant in the last class, when mike is sleeping, and we are talking about the Cosmopolitan covers. And I make some Comment about how Cosmo covers are all big hair, and flushed cheeks and just scream "I just had sex". which then Mike then wakes up for. And professor goes, "Well, I imagine you would wake up for that Mike".
That wasn't that good of a story in type. It's better with intonations.

Worst In Class Moment (and by worst. I mean subversively maybe best)
Jill's freakout in English 265 over "Fried Green Tomatoes"
and I quote. "I don't care if they are lesbians or not. I don't f'ing (she said the real word) care! This is Not a women's studies class!"
which the professor then proceeds to tell her it is.
Real Worst: The beginning of 265, when I just hated it. I also didn't enjoy feminist film theory. Because I stillllllll don't know what shot reverse shot means.

Best Professor of sophomore year: James Longenbach.

Best Concert: Although BNL/Guster was great, This is going to go to Death Cab/Ted Leo. I mean...there was a 10 minute drum solo for "We Looked Like Giants". Andddd they played "Lowell, MA"
(note to everyone else. Lowell is directly next to Tbury. Not everyone can say they have a song written about their town(ish). P.S. If you're from NYC, don't evennnnnnn start. I know.

There is no such thing as a worst concert. Except I wasn't too thrilled with the Dday bands.

Speaking of: Biggest Disappointment: Dday. Renamed April 27, 2007.

Best Quizbowl Trip: When I saw Emily in Michigan!

Best Weekend Trip: Rochester to New Hampshire via Tewksbury. As I mentioned before, just an all around lovely weekend.

Worst Weekend Trip: Might have been Pittsburgh for ACF. Because while the tournament was fun, and I had a good time, I was car sick for both ways up. And that's no fun. Although it did have the saving grace of the best mix ever.

Best New Friend: Calle Fitzgerald. In fact, I like him so much, I don't even think of him as super younger than I am.

Best Surprise: Getting the Most Perfect Little Ever.
Now Top Categories

Best Moment of Sophomore Year: Meliora Weekend 2006. Playing Football with Gordon, Dan and My dad in front on Lovejoy. I was just...happy :)

Worst Moment of Sophomore Year: Most of April

Best All Around-- which remember, has not been won by an American since Carly Patterson in 2004...every moment with Dan Blake.

Don't worry, I'll update soon with a regular in and out list, that way you can cheque yourself before you wreq yourself.
I'm bringing back the letter q.

xoxo

It's just another day, nothing in my way, I don't want to go, I don't want to stay...

2007-05-02T15:27:36Z

I am noticing that it now says embed media. That is cool. I'm sure it said that forever, but my oblivion is nothing new.

For the first time since the revival of el journalo, I repeated a song for a subject title. It's Keane's "Nothing in My Way, and completely lyric wise might be the anthem of spring semester 2007. For a lot of reasons, you can look at the lyrics if you wish to speculate. I like song lyrics, (and speculating). and in my free time, I either learn them all or analyze them. It's a great, albeit useless talent.

Today is the last day of classes, and in the past few days I took two final exams, wrote a twenty page paper, and finished a 10 page paper due in an hour approximately 5 minutes ago. I am le tired.

The subject matter is basically, the best way to sum up how I feel right now. I honestly believe that spring 2007 has been the worst semester ever for approximately everyone, and everyone needs a moment of repose. So I looking forward to being done with that, and taking a break, and seeing my family again, (and for Heather, we will have fun at our LAST EVER summer at mdc).

Yet at the same time, I am actually dreading the summer as, lame as it sounds, I am going to miss my boyfriend, and I hate my job, and said job's commute, and none of my friends are coming home, because they are all better at life. Which means I don't even have a tennis partner :(
I am going to learn how to drive this summer, and since my sister is going to Kosovo, for the next rest of my life, there is some discussion about if I get a liscense by August, I might get one of my family's cars, because they'll be an extra.

I know things will work out, I'm just kind of at a impasse right now, But things will be fine. They usually are. And rain will make the flowers grow?

OUT
institutions not having the decency to reply back, even if its a no.
webmail. I switched to gmail two days ago, because webmail only works 1 out of 10 times, and can go down for hours at a time. the jerk.
school is getting rid of napster, which is sad, because I love it.
the student life awards all going to student government people.
packing
this years d-day.
the supreme court
too much work
april 2007. Grade for the month....70. And that's only because on Mike and Melinda or this month would have failed so fast. Are you listening april. smarten up.
my really bad moods, and totally being debbie downer. I'll be better.
fatigue.
my hair. It's just annoying.
like everyone else said, the apparent lack of original movies this summer.

In
Fests. First there's lovefest 07 with ashley when I go home, and then's theres piratefest, and then earthfest (its free, in boston...let me know if you want to go with us) And that's just May!
Mike and Melinda's wedding. It was one of the most lovely things I have ever been present for, and everything was so beautiful and perfect. Congratulations you two.
flipflops
dvd sets. I can't even watch regular tv now, because I'm like. what commercial? what are these?
the beach!!!
Dan making a cake with me. A fantastically good tasting cake.
Dan every moment since fall 2005. Except for his brief stint on the now obsolete Perpetual Out List. Except that trespass, everythings been wonderful, and is perpetually "in"
dresses!
Virgina Woolf. she just astouds me with beauty.
the library at home!
Having free time to read once summer starts. I already have a crazy long list, but if anyone has any recommendations, I would love that.
the shower I am going to take approximately--now.

Calle needs to get sleep. Jon needs update that's not trickery. Dan is super cool. It is surprisingly not cold?
XOXO

p.s. That's my favorite lemon thus far. I almost want to kiss it. Then I remember I loathe citrus, and it better stay out of my water glass.

When someone said "Count your blessings now, before they're all gone"...

2007-04-15T20:02:46Z

This weekend I went to the BPG show and the Ramblers concert, both of which were amazing, and also featured spectacular performances by UR Bhangra, the Strong Jugglers, and a Cornell a capella group who did a hilarious pardoy of Celine Dion's "It's all coming back to me now" which basically is titled either, "Do you remember the days before facebook/ Get drunk and right on your wall". Which as you can see is mostly about facebook relationships (highlight: "And your status says you're not out at a frat, we spent the night at D.U., what's up with that).

So these shows were awe-inspiring, but it also made me realize my lack of performance group thing. I mean, I'm in practically every other type of group--a intercollegiate competitive group, a social group, an activism group, some type of publishing thing, a community service organization, I work for religious life, an honor society, 1.5 sports teams, and several academic councils. Yet even without that, I feel the lack of performance group is why I feel like it doesn't really matter, because theres nothing to like, invite my parents/friends/loved ones up to see.

Which is strange, because in high school with all the sporting events/the two musicals, it didn't really matter to me if anyone came for me. But now it matters because I wish I had something to show them.
Note to self. get a talent. and then join moreeee groups.

Speaking of performances, The Drama House is performing Jason Robert Brown's "The Last Five Years" in a week and half, which is amazing to me. My friend Steven introduced me to this show last year, and through my first listen of the soundtrack it became like my favorite show (or at least, giving RENT and Wicked a serious run). Yet its very difficult to get the chance to see because its only a two person show, thats extremely difficult to put on, thus its not very often staged. So this is awesome, and I'm very excited, and if I miss this, I will be very sad.

P.S. you people are all abysmal at updating. Just so you know, if I ask you whats up, your answer better be "nothing!" or else you have no excuse for not updating.

OUT
1)this weather. I mean seriously.
2)as sad as I am to say it, recap episodes. Remember the time when like every episode of something was new. What happened?
3)The fact that there is not a consolidated website for quizbowl info. I'm tired of hopping along the net to find stats/announcements/tricks of the trade. I just want one place where the magic happens.
4)Um. The Women's Rights National Park. Now, I didn't go there exactly, but I was in Seneca Falls yesterday for a conference, and there was a sign for it, that really just pointed to a bog. Like, here is Women's Rights. In the middle of this quagmire. Which would be amusing if they knew it was ironic.
5)smoking, in all its form. Especialy if its around my beautiful pink lungs.
6)The G.A.P. (not that store that I like alot, that I sometimes fall into) But the Genocide Awareness Project. Not to get too political on anyone, but this disgusts me. Genocides are bad, and should not be used as a propaganda tool. That's all.
7)Optional Papers! As if I'm not already demotivated enough
8)mixers without good themes
9)Regret.

IN
1) The fact that I got to use the word quagmire
2) The performances listed above.
3) The actual Gap. The one with the clothing and the khakis and Sarah Jessica Parker
4) Making up fun, pun-y, before and after Trashionals names. Such as Valley of the Goo-Goo Dolls, and Jet-Lag Cup. Actually making up team names and costumes is just super fun. If you can think of some suggestions, or all time best ones, that would be fun.
5) love stories. real and fictional. they're just. nice.
6) I turn twenty in 2 months. Then I shall be old, and people will have to respect me.
7) singing
8) magazine journalism.
9) Respect. Not the song. the concept.
10) Jon and Calle's radio show. Catch it while you can!

I try to have the In list be longer than the Out list because I think it means they are more good things than bad things. Which I need to believe.

* Calle is a great friend, although hard to get it touch with, and never home when I have a fire drill. I like commenties, Gordon gets a gold star for being the only one to follow my explicit request every time. Dan is my favorite person and he amazes me everyday. I shall probably see many of you soon. It creeps me out if you're reading this and I don't know you. You totally can, but it doesn't make you any less of a creep. It's still very cold*
XOXO

There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay...

2007-04-11T23:01:36Z

Over the last week (with easter/passover...eastover :), and spending all my time at I-faith doing the "work-study" thing, some thinking has been done about the religious stuff, and my own complicated views. Now, I'm not going to post about that here, except that I want to mention that I very nearly put this down as my religious views on facebook. Religious Views: What if God was one of us?

But then I had a moment of crisis about whether Who will save your soul will be better, and then it became a battle of the 90's female singers with acoustic guitars. And you can't have that battle without Lisa Loeb, but she doesn't have a god-ish song...disaster! So I gave up the ship.

I need to declare my majors.
I Can NOT believe how fast this semester is going.
Also, I was listening to the XM radio on my flight back to Rochester last weekend. (That's a cool feature). However, the first song that came on was Fall-out Boy's "sugar we're going down"... Which is not a good song for an airplane. That's all I'm saying.

OUT
2007. (has yet to compare to 2006 in any way)
wait-lists
e-machines
too many papers close together
nosebleeds
the lack of spring
SA elections, and the 28 facebook group invites. I will not endorse someone on the facebook, and the only good thing about today is that elections end.
everything that's bothering everyone I care about.
socks.
Imus
oncampus food
being tired

IN
easter candy!!!!
Jon Marquis and Jonisms.
my single next year.
lyric intrepretation
white lifesavers
slate, feministing.com, and thefreedictionary.com
board games
fresh fruit
flip-flop weather coming...soon maybe?
sleep
food.
my facebook about me

Sorry that was a weak one. I'll update later this week with a much cleverer in and out list. Just saying whats going on in the life of mine.
P.S. I love my boyfriend, a lot.

"Does Iggy Pop even own a shirt?" a boy in one of Jon's classes.
xoxo

So why'd you fill my sorrow, with the words you borrowed?

2007-03-31T15:46:57Z

So sometimes you get caught up in everything, and keep having horrible days, and something that you can't hide from comes and you're left...nowhere. That for so long you were running from everything and then I don't know, you get trapped in a metaphorical bog (cranberry bog, like where I'm from) and you can run all you like, but those berries will get you anyway. Mean, mean cranberries.

But anyway, without the cranberry delusion, I can't really update, because this isn't the place to talk about it. Which is a silly update. "Hi (insert your name here) I'm just calling to tell you I won't be able to call you". But thanks for everyone's support, but while we're on that topic, (oh! and its the subject matter! Lovely, in red pen) any type of trite heartfelt wishes of concern mean nothing to me. Just saying, and anything about everything happening for a reason...refrain.

What a live-journal-y entry. I will go down that road, since I'm already there. Maryann's a bitch. (That's Regina Spektor. I don't know any maryanns, americana tropicana).

When I get my own street, I'm naming it Memory Lane. And then I will stroll it. And it will be so freaking literal.

OUT
THE SA.
The SA supplemental people
The SA people who decide on budgets.
U.R.'s only emphasis on science research for the summer
March. I have never EVER trusted you. Ides, calends, or nones. All of you. jerks.
(Dear March birthdays, I apologize, I'm sure you're all worthwhile people. But your month is a traitor. Just like Thursdays).
this week.
webmail not being completly perfect
missing my breakfast because of an exam.
The coming summer.
planes.
Life

IN
planes
the nice weather we've been having
Tuesday. as a day. It was a winner. and I needed the win. I was also born on a Tuesday, like all good people.
Sanctuary, and that whom I find it with. Thank you.
Last weekend, I had a very nice time seeing alot of UR people who went and like "graduated" and getting to know Mike and Melinda better.
cookies
my wonderful roommate
my housing situation for next year.
Intramural Fieldhockey (and I got my first goal since high school).
grapes and strawberries and ice cream.
My sister visiting.
skirts. and the sheer fact that the nice weather should mean the end of leggings.

That's all for know. At least treacherous March is over, in which we're rewarded by April, the cruelest month. According to Eliot, but he's a fascist anti-semite, so hopefully he's wrong.
xo

But tunneling's not living, and working doesn't work...

2007-03-21T00:12:23Z

If its possible I may have livejournal writer's block.

My extracurricular activities are draining my soul away. I was talking with my sister about it (and when she was in college and stuff) and we realized that problem that like. being who we are--we can't just do something, we have to completely run everything about it. And then you're stressed out. Oh well, Sic Semper Tyrannis.

My sorority doubled our housing(which is what I've been working on for like 3 months. This is a good thing). It also however means that I have to complete rewrite the housing plan.

I don't think I've ever been so nervous about anything than I am about being quizbowl president. Because I've seen/heard good things about quizbowl presidents. and I keep freaking out that that I'm not that, and that I should have just made Jason stick with it, and just...be a really good publicity director. Its just even now. I still have this major problem that so many of these super important quizbowlish things just happen by magic. Like I don't even know where these things come from. they just happen. and now I have to make them happen. bibbity bobbity boo.
P.S. If you know where the magic happens. You probably should clue me in.

To repeat what other people say all the time, I never see anyone. ever. It's a problem. And...I most likely miss you. Unless you just randomly found me through a friends page, and I don't even know you. I then mostly likely don't miss you.

Oh. I also sold my soul and every hope for happiness and a sense of personal integrity away for 3000 dollars. akaaaaaa. I'll be back at camp this summer. I wish I worked for the devil and could make deals for people's souls, so that I could be on the other side of this for once. Jabez Stones of the world, come to me.

OUT
stress
rapid weather changes
the fact the you can have the same awesome taste in music as me, and still be a bad person. That shouldn't be allowed.
Maybe rejection--like. say you apply for something. and you never ever hear back about it. At what point do you give up? It would be better to be rejected that just wondering about it forever.
The fact that if everyone I know gets married, the line "then why don't you marry it?" will be answered back with a quip of "because polygamy is illegal" and then. 3rd grade me will be very sad.
blizzardsss
my lack of direction. along with the fact that north is not always in front of me.
apple. I have heard nothing good about you lately.
many many facebook groups. Very many of them make me question my faith in the human race.
I don't think I've ever been a huge fan of wedged heels. but they are a highlight of the summer fashions. But..eh.
The fact that I never get to see movies anymore. Which is shocking because I'm in two film classes, which I would say is counterintuitive except...
the word counterintuitive
IN
my new camera!
my ashley.
the passive voice
90's revival
sleepy being all better
recyclemania. green is my favorite color.
all in all. our new floor! Its the first nice thing reslife has done for me. (Except for the gift of very excellent roommates)
the ncaa tournament (it is afterall, the only time all year I can talk semi-intelligent about college sports).
spring (although its my least favorite season. I think we all really needed it)
the color red. its big right now. never really with me. but its making a comeback, especially with the (red) campaign. I'm inspi(red) but I think Dan had it best with ti(red)
Daylight Savings Time. I like how bright it is now. How fickle is the woman?
intramural fieldhockey.

Don't be sad about this entry, everything is fine. Just nothing worth writing about. Like I promised Calle. because heres the synoptic version "I have a crush on evvvvvvery boy. And by every boy, I mean Dan, because he's wonderful. anddddddd. I'm busy. and mah spoon is too big".
xo

They say that these are not the best of times, but they're the only times I've ever known...

2007-03-11T22:56:18Z

In case you haven't noticed, with the exception of "Jon is pretty" all of the entries circa 2007 are titled with a subject of a song lyric. This one is an allusion to Billy Joel's "Summer, Highland Falls", and all I really need to say about it is that its a shame that the entire song couldn't be a title. Because that's basically the storyline of my life right now. You can look up the lyrics. It's not a secret.

So for my spring break (before my last ditch mindless plan of running off to Miami) I decided to come home. So I am relaxing in my house, and enjoying that very much. The only problem with it is that almost everyone I know has break next week, so I'm kind of my only friend in town. But it's okay, I'm enjoying being with my family, and having some down time, because I do have a habit of running myself down over breaks.

As for breaks...I don't know if its just sophomore year, or school has changed, or 2007 is just being mean--but I have never heard of people who so badly deserved this break. I, for one, had two midterms and two papers in two days right before break started, and my story is one of the easier ones. So I hope we all can rest up, and be happier. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same breaks we do, and all I can hope for them is things start to look up and lighten up soon. And if they don't, hopefully those of us who just had breaks can lend a hand.

One last thing about me. I like to be one of those people who can go away for awhile, and then when you come back, its like nothing has changed. I'm not good at keeping up with people, but I think about everyone all the time. And if you feel neglected, I encourage you to talk to me, and hopefully it will be like nothing has changed.

OUT
1)lately, I would have to say March 2007. But I'm willing to give it another chance if it wants to come around and play nicely.
2)RESLife. I mean seriously. We still don't know where we are living next year, and we were supposed to find out over a week ago. So everyone is just hanging on a decision they appear to taking their leisure over.
3)The fact that the T is all different. And the door closed on me :(
4)Daylight Savings Time. (but I never approve of DST. we all know that.)( In case we didn't, its because it freaks me out/fascinates me that time is so fluid. So while I hate dst, i think the international dateline, and everything involving timezones is amazing)
5)lack of summer plans
6)when I am unable to fix everything.
7) schools having different breaks
8) the spring styles. can't really dig any of them. sad

IN
1)Tewksbury, MA
2)Boston Radio
3)The food at my house
4) my house
5) learning about new music
6)my family
7) having too many books to read, and none of them for school. but also kind of outish about that is being unable to pick one, because I know I most likely will get only one. maybe two. It's like Sophie's Choice.
8) Harvard Square. despite the fact that its too hipster for Heather
9)baking cakes
10) Calle Fitzgerald. Not knowing if he was inside or outside.

xox

I know we'll make it anywhere, away from here

2007-03-02T19:27:40Z

I don't like writing introductions to papers, and because of that I don't like writing the intro of the journal entry. So instead, I would like to begin with some classic Jon-isms of the past week. (A Jon-ism is a comment made by Jon Marquis that makes my life a little bit better.)

1) "I invented pin-strip pants"
2) Jon, "I feel very vulnerable right now"
Jamie, " Oh, Would you like a blanket?"
Jon, "That would make me feel less vulnerable. So no"
3) "I couldn't spy the dog!
4)"I want to be Clint Eastwood"
5)"Clint Eastwood could knock over your laundry and make you apologize for it"

That said, the next week is going to be thisclose to awful, but then I am going home the week after that. Which is good.
It is a universally acknowledged truth that this semester is going by very very quickly.
I applied for an internship in Rochester, but it is very likely that I will be returning to the Bay State for the summer. Which has good parts and bad parts. If I do go home for the summer, I decided this is the summer I'm going to become a real person and learn to drive and stuff. Because unlike when I was sixteen, I don't have such a paralyzing fear of it anymore (unless people are backing up in very tight quarters or parallel parking (HOW DO THEY DO THAT?).

Anything else I suppose you could talk to me about. If that tickles your fancy.

For a specialty, and as a shoutout to the Jamieisms. The out list in beginning with things specifically identified as belonging to the devil list.

OUT
self checkouts at walmart and other such places (DEVIL)
what the URTV considers pennyholders (DEVIL)
public bathrooms that are just one-person bathrooms. (DEVIL)
my dreams/nightmares lately
Friday's not being fun anymore.
UR Housing. seriously.
cold, cold weather.
Rochester radio.
non assembled outfits. I like doing weird things with clothes (the sundress and tshirt uniform of the summer jars the memory) as much as anyone. But wearing a hoodie thats just too long, leggings, and a belt at your rib cage...is not an outfit. If you're not wearing any pants, I don't think you need a belt.
many smaller aspects of my life.
The fact that our showers here are very small, and since I'm afraid of shower walls ever touching me, it's more panic-y and less relaxing, and showers are the best part of the day.
being forced to go to parties.
Wegmans not having the ONLY good kind of frosting, which barred us from making a cake (DEVIL)
IN
doubledates
my perfect perfect little.
headbands.
argyle socks.
breakfast with Margaret Atwood (yay!)
rain
finishing errands
chips and dips
baking cookies
bunnies and chickies
getting better

and for all the calles out there: synopsis. Last week and this week promise to be very difficult and making me unhappy. I'm still busy, and Dan is better than ever. That should be it.
xoxo

Cold and Frosty Morning, There's not a lot to say about the things caught in my mind...

2007-02-21T04:00:28Z

Voiceover: Previously in Jamie's livejournal:
"I am waiting for something to go wrong. Because I am happy. And anyone with any type of literary background knows that when everything is good and you're not at the end of the work things are very soon going to be terrible. Also, we explored why our brain only thinks in fragments" --That's how this journal would begin if it was secretly Grey's Anatomy.

Speaking of Grey's Anatomy, I'm not going to get into anything that's happening/ the fact that its ruining my life, and I think I'm writing a paper on it: but I would just like to point out that watching the dvds of an ongoing tv show is basically the devil. See, I am really into dvd sets, because then my schedule does not have to work around anything and I can watch the show at my leisure. So over break I decide to watch all of season I, II and thus far of III on dvd/abc.com. And now, it's like always being in the middle of a book and you have to keep on with it, but your established norms get all thrown off.

By the way, it's really uncharacteristic of me to care about a television show at all. (See, Devil).

Pete has started to leave me. I finally got on antibiotics. But I decided the problem is that Pete is really straight edged, so once I started doing drugs, he didn't want me as his girl anymore. Ah, well.

My mother came to visit this weekend and it was completly wonderful and awesome and I'm looking forward to going home on break. It also makes me jealous of everyone who lives in a somewhat relative close area to their school and who get to see their friends and family more than once a semester. Because there are few things I think could be more delightful.

It was beautiful today. It was very cold the rest of this semester. But there was beautiful crisp tolerable winter weather today to tempt me. I decided the difference between Rochester weather and the weather at home is that at home we have just as bad snowstorms, but we have really nice weather with blue skies in between, and here its just cold and gray constantly. Also, inherent statism aside, New England is just kind of awesome and I miss it.

Being really sick made it tres difficult with the work lately, and I'm virtually drowning in makeup work, but I figure it'll be okay--and my professors (even the hateful one) have been pretty understanding. The main problem is that the Pete makes me tired constantly. So I sleep too much and get realy bad undereye shadows and I might be shrinking. I however, though am not on cocaine.

Dan's been amazing as always, especially with me being pretty sick, and him being SO busy and also not feeling well, but he even things like planning the best Valentine's day date ever remind me that I'm pretty lucky.

I still need an internship before I explode in a million pieces. Also, I don't know what I'm doing with my life and the first person who says thats its okay because I'm not old is totally going on the out list. For this purpose I complied things I have always wanted to do.
Jobs I've always wanted: Bookie/Card shark, magazine editor, hand model, one of those weird marketing people who are hired to pretend to be a teenager and find out what the kids are into, voice actress, child prodigy, working at barnes and noble or a really small oldfashioned bookstore with an old gentleman who runs it who wears suspenders, water tester, candy striper, hotel critic, paid companion (Like the main character in Rebecca), professional song lyric analyzer, sitcom writer, nanny.
Everyone who meets me always tells me I should be a teacher or a nurse. That would be very massachusetts-ian of me. Also, if you're secretly having children in 3-4 years-I luckily will have graduated from college and will be seeking employment, so I'm just putting this out now, I'll be a nanny. Now everyone is happy. And I like making people happy.

OUT
three tests in two days
the self centeredness of everyone on this campus (me included)
the fact that laundry doesn't do itself
bitter bitterness. Edginess good. Bitterness bad.
my lack of internship
Crazy snowstorms
Lazy unneeded use of the blue button doors. We do all these things about trying to conserve enery bc of the environment, yet like, everyone, who is clearly not handicapped needs to have that much wasted electricity by the school because they can't take the time to open a door. Your physical labor is much more of a renewable resource.
the fact that my posts always look so long
Cliffhangers
The Pit
boy-bashing

IN
funny index cards that heather draws me
my little!!!! the best little ever.
Jon and Calle's radio show.
Everyone's spiffy new haircut
My new Beatles bag
My mommy
getting a pizza for 2 dollars when I finish this entry
Extreme makeover: Jon Edition
the pit above is at school. NEVER to be confused with the Pitt quizbowl team
water
frozen fruit bars
playing matchmaker. Oh, thats another career I've always wanted.

As always, I'm busy, dan is good, a lot of stuff is going on.
XOXO